A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instructions, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”
New hearing aid
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
Get yourself a train!
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.
Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
Don’t thank me
Looking down at the defendant, the judge said, “Mr Riley, I’ve decided to give you a suspended sentence.” Tears pouring from his eyes, Riley cried, “Oh, thank you, Your Honor!”
“Don’t thank me,” the judge replied. “I’m sentencing you to be hanged.”