I am Driving
A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my Gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’
For Crying Out Loud
With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one of them asked. “Not yet,” said the mother. “I‘ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Another half hour passed before another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother. A while later and again the guests asked, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When it cries!” she told them.
“When it cries?” they gasped. “Why do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because, I forgot where I put it.”
Why computers should be considered masculine?
- In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
- They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
- They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
- As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers should be considered feminine?
- No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
- Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.