Humor

What It Means

Five years old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.

She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

“My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks and that doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!”

Knowledge is worth as much as gold

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained “We risked our lives and only took 20 million; the bank manager took 80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

Get me a Battleship

After lunching at the Algonquin Hotel, Robert walked through the lobby, out the front door, and said to the uniformed man on the sidewalk, “My good man, would you please get me a taxi?”

The man immediately took offense and replied indignantly, “I’m not a doorman! I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy.”

Robert instantly quipped: “All right then, get me a battleship.”

Will I live longer?

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women and song, will I live longer?

Doctor: Not really, it will just seem longer.

Locks the gate at night

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a 10-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A 20-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was 40 feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?” The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

The Anesthesiologist

Jill received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. “Is this some kind of mistake?” Jill asked when she got the doctor on the phone. “No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.

“Well,” said Jill, “that’s awfully costly for knocking someone out.” “Not at all,” replied the doctor. “I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around.”