Humor

I charge you for overloading

A man driving home late at night in his Volkswagen beetle car was stopped by policemen on patrol. The police asked the man to produce his car document. When they could not fault the document, the next question to the man was: “My friend, do you realize that you committed a criminal offence by driving alone in this car at late night?”

The man became angry and responded: “How could you say that? God the father, the son and holy spirit, Prophet Elijah and Angels Micheal and Gabriel are all with me in the car.”

The policeman replied: “You mean, all these people are in this small car? I charge you for overloading!”

If a lion is chasing you

Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?

Student: I’d climb a tree. Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree?

Student: I will jump in the lake and swim.

Teacher: If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?

Student: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion’s?

Different Phases of a man

After engagement: Superman

After marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman

After 20 years: Doberman

Get me a battleship

After lunching at the Algonquin Hotel, Robert walked through the lobby, out the front door, and said to the uniformed man on the sidewalk, “My good man, would you please get me a taxi?”

The man immediately took offense and replied indignantly, “I’m not a doorman! I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy.”

Robert instantly quipped: “All right then, get me a battleship.”

Activate your phone lines

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

What It Means

Five years old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.

She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

“My,” said the Census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks and that doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!”