Humor

Upset is Unhealthy

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”

“Yes,” the boy’s mother answered.

“And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked.

“Who cares?” the mother replied.

What It MEANS?

Five years old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.

She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home, because he was performing an appendectomy.

“My,” said the census taker, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?”

“Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks and that doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!”

Knowledge is worth as much as gold

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained “We risked our lives and only took 20 million; the bank manager took 80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

Standing there all by yourself

One day, there were a couple of kids in a psychology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class “stand up if you think you’re stupid!” After about 5 minutes, Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says “do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

To which Little Johnny replies “No miss I just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!

But it certainly cured

A guy is walking up to a doctor’s office when a nun comes running out screaming and crying.

The guy walks in and says, “Doc, what’s with the nun?”

The doctor says, “Oh, I just told her she’s pregnant.”

The guy says, “The nun’s pregnant?”

The doctor says, “No. But it certainly cured her hiccups!”

Sales Practice

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘Why?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you.’”