HUMOR

Work Wisdom

·         Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

·         The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Just in case you ever got these two mixed up, this should make things a bit more clear.

In PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8 × 10 cell.

At WORK you spend the majority of your time in a 6 × 8 cubicle.

In PRISON you get three meals a day.

At WORK you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

In PRISON you get time off for good behavior.

At WORK you get more work for good behavior.

In PRISON the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

At WORK you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

In PRISON you can watch TV and play games.

At WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses. “Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you really make a big fuss over your wife”. “I started to appreciate her more about 6 months ago,” Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”

Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. “Honey,” Bob said, “what’s’ the matter?” “This has been the worst day,” she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!”

Three men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven”.

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her”. So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her.” He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven. The next guy came up and said, “I cheated on my wife a lot”. He gets a scooter. Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates”.