HUMOR

Where is the TOAST?

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And may be write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”

“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”

“My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem – a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”

Stop Following Me!

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a “BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…” behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him…”BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…”

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster…faster…BUMP BUMP BUMP!

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP…BUMP…BUMP… on the heels of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything…all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin… and suddenly “the coffin stops!”

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

“What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked.

“Why, that’s the talking clock” the man replied. “Watch”, the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “F’gosh sakes, you idiot, its 2 am in the blankety-blank morning!”