“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Great! I never could before!”
Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Patient: “Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?”
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
“Get dressed up — the doctor is taking us out!”
Patient: “I always see spots before my eyes.”
Doctor: “Didn’t the new glasses help?”
Patient: “Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.”
Doctor: “Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed 10 quarters last night?”
Nurse: “No change yet.”
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
Only if you aim it well enough.
Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when walking past the medicine cabinet?
So, they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills!
Why did the mattress go to the doctor?
It had spring fever.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side?
He’s all right now!
Doctor: “You are very sick.”
Patient: “Can I get a second opinion?”
Doctor: “Yes, of course! You are very ugly too.”
Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately?
The nearest golf course.
Patient: “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.”
Doctor: “Sit down and don’t stir.”