A Nice Boy?
One night a teenage girl brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents. They were astonished by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
The parents pulled their daughter aside and expressed their concern. Her mother said that the boy didn’t seem very nice.
Agitated, the daughter replied, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 400 hours of community service?”
Tell him I can’t see him
While the doctor was talking to a patient, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
The businessman reached home exhausted and barely made it to his chair.
His wife brought a tall cool drink.
She said to her husband that he must have had a hard day.
“It was terrible,” he replied, “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”
How do you start a flood?
A doctor had just bought a villa on the French Riviera. He met an old lawyer friend whom he hadn’t seen in years, and they started talking. The lawyer owned a nearby villa. They discussed how they came to stay at the Riviera. The lawyer said that the office complex he had bought caught fire, and he retired to the Riviera with the fire insurance proceeds. He asked his doctor friend what he was doing there.
The doctor replied that he had bought real estate in Mississippi. The river overflowed, and he reached there with the flood insurance proceeds.
The lawyer looking puzzled, asked – “How do you start a flood?”
Doctor, Doctor have you got something for a bad headache?
Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.
Then you’ll have a bad headache.
A local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago.
The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, it lasted for 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached for an hour and a half.
A man asked him about this. He said that on the first Sunday, his gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, his dentures were still hurting a lot. The third Sunday, he accidentally grabbed his wife’s dentures and he just couldn’t stop talking.